About two years ago, my husband stopped me one night and said, “Tiffini, I’m not happy. I can’t do this anymore.”
His comment took me off guard, but I was not surprised. The look in his eyes said it all. He was unhappy with our lifestyle, our marriage and his job. I was working anywhere from 60 to 80 hours a week at a high school in Nevada. We hardly saw each other and he absolutely hated his job. These two factors never do a marriage any good.
To add to the stress, we had placed ourselves in an awkward situation when I recruited him to work for my employer. So, we were working closely with the same associates and brought a lot of work problems and tension home. As a result, we were fighting and arguing all the time.
“I want to quit my job,” he said, even though he hadn’t secured another job. “And, we’re trying to have a baby,” he added bluntly, “but there’s no way we can do that now. Even if we were blessed with a child, I don’t want to be a single dad.”
He was right. Although I didn’t necessarily agree with him quitting his job without having another one, I surely couldn’t argue with his last point. Having a child was our dream, but it wasn’t going to happen (nor was it a good idea) with the kind of lifestyle we had.
We were both miserable and getting burned out at our jobs. Ultimately, I knew Las Vegas wasn’t the right place for us. We had lived and worked in the hot desert for six years by then, yet we weren't getting ahead and were far from our goals. We had mounting credit card debt, were still renting a home even though we had wanted to own one for quite some time, and were living out of balance with each other.
To top it all off, not only were we at odds with each other all the time, but I also really hated a lot of his friends. To give an idea, my breaking point was when he graciously loaned one of his cocaine-using friends $2,500, only to lose it. I knew the guy was using him, but that’s a whole different story.
“I agree,” I replied. “I’m not happy either.”
So, we decided to make a plan and work it.
Our starting point was understanding what we both wanted. We wanted to get pregnant, pay off our credit cards, and own our own home. Professionally, my husband wanted to stay in education with an ultimate goal of becoming a Principal or Superintendent. I simply wanted to be in a job that was flexible, paid well, and gave me a sense of fulfillment helping, developing and watching others succeed.
Done. We identified and discussed our goals.
The tough part was figuring out how we were going to accomplish those goals, because that meant CHANGE. And a lot of it.
While I won’t get into all of the details of our entire journey, I can tell you that it wasn’t easy. There were a lot of roadblocks. I lost my father. We decided to move to Houston near my family. We had to quit and secure new jobs. We had to make sacrifices and often felt like quitting on each other and our goals. There was a lot of heartache. But, I am happy to say:
- I’m pregnant! We ultimately pursued in vitro fertilization, and after two years of emotionally-charged months of trying and changing doctors, we’re going to have a girl!
- Our credit cards are paid off after financially sacrificing our lifestyle in every area of our lives.
- We are now living in our newly purchased and built home in Houston TX, against the advice of some of our closest friends and family.
- My husband took an alternative route in education substituting for a while. That enabled him to start his new job as an administrator at an elementary school. I have been wildly successful at my new job in leading a sales team. Last year, I was rewarded Rookie of the Year and I just learned I won a trip for Top Performer this year.
What inspires me most is setting goals and working towards them. That’s what keeps me going. Calvin Coolidge’s quote about persistence is what I see in my office daily.
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
- Calvin Coolidge
So, if you hate life, it’s on you to change it. It's your choice to live the life you dream of. Once you make that choice, take a look at our three steps to lovin' life:
-
Know yourself and what you really want. What will make you happy? You’ve got to be true to yourself and be honest with the others in your life. Write down what you want and what you feel will make you happy.
-
Set goals that align with your partner. If you’re on a journey with someone else, you have to do this together as a team. Set your goals together while being true to your own goals.
-
Keep your eye on the goal and never give up. There is nothing greater than persistence and determination, so don’t give up. Keep your eye on your goals and read Calvin Coolige’s quote on persistence to stay focused!
One might look at us and think we have it all, but the reality is we are just like everyone else. Life is messy and we struggled. But through the process we stayed true to ourselves, we prayed a lot together, and most importantly, we pressed on.
Tiffini T – Houston, TX
If you like this post, please show your support. Like us on Facebook and share the page!
